EPISODE 3 DUAL REVIEW: The Other Boleyn Girl

The Other Boleyn Girl - 2008

Director: Justin Chadwick

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Eric Bana

Joey's Review:

Movies about British history make me think of a network lineup commercial telling them “tonight, we uncover shocking details surrounding the murder of five small children…but first, giggles abound on a classic episode of Friends!” Either we get the “oh my gosh scandal” of politics and rulers and wars and all of that or we get “bitches be cray cray.” That’s pretty much it and tonight, we got the latter.

On pulling The Other Boleyn Girl, I jokingly called it "The Other White Meat." What I thought I was doing was tapping into that pre-pubescent idiot humor that still laughs at the word “balls,” but turns out I was basically describing the plot of the movie.

Hunky King Eric Bana! No padding
on those shoulders either! Beeeefcake!
Just kidding, he's a piece of shit.

Driven by their father’s pipe dreams, the Boleyn sisters get thrust into the radar of King Henry VIII, a king whose worth is portrayed as nothing more than “he’s hunky.” Yeah, sure, he’s a king which is why daddy cares, but the lady viewers this was obviously made for will take note of the many shots of his glorious…ly awful demeanor. Swooooon. Being persuaded to seduce the king, Anne Boleyn finds that, to her surprise, the king has fallen for her sister! When the sister becomes pregnant, Anne sees this as an opportunity to move in on the king herself in an act of devilish betrayal. But first, giggles abound on a classic episode of Friends!

Boleyn Girl is technically historical fiction, based loosely off the story of Henry VIII leading to the birth of Elizabeth I, which the film tries to shock you with as if you watched it giving two shits about accuracy. Given the creative licensing, if you were to write the steps of this plot down on paper, it’s actually not too bad. Girl goes after king, king falls for sister, sister gets pregnant, girl seduces king ‘cause king is really focused on heir, sister births girl, king rethinks his life decisions, so on and so forth. I’m ok with this if the execution weren’t so damn miserable here.

Movie trivia: That window is actually a TV
and their faces were stuck that
way for the rest of the film.

I get that the value of a woman back then was in the “Latina woman at an anti-abortion rally” range, but if you’re going to try to reel the audience in with an honest-to-God romance story, maybe…I don’t know…have romance? Love? Emotion? The main part of this movie is a fight for hunky king’s love and so often I was met with scenes where I had to step back and say “but why do you want it exactly? He’s a womanizing dick.” More and more it just felt like “because he was there” which turns this away from Shakespearean brilliance and more towards “The Real Housewives of the Reformation.” If we called this "The Other Boleyn Chump," I probably could have saved the two hours.

Then again, this movie is also in the realm of tragedy, and if that was the point…why focus on the pale love story instead of try to earn the fall that you were aiming for? Not a single thing was convincing here and as a result, I just didn’t feel anything or care, really. Better screenwriting and better performances definitely could have saved this. Throwing Eric Bana in king’s clothing and saying “look at the shiny man” may work in some Magic Mike styled, Snow White dimwitted bullshit, but it’s a little difficult to be sympathetic and excited about the character’s “love” while at the same time having “here’s a story about women who had it comin’” shoved in my face.

Go watch Ever After or…hell, the damn Princess Diaries if you want that royalty love story fix. This was just a bit too deadpan and stale for something that was really hoping to be dark an edgy.

Though the film itself took a bit to figure it out, I’m very willing to call The Other Boleyn Girl a tragedy, but anxiously await the sequel to be premiered as a made-for-TV movie like this should have been. I’ll have my popcorn ready and 6 dustbusters to clean it up with. …But first, giggles abound on a classic episode of Friends!

Samantha's Review:

I feel like sibling rivalry is a very common ordeal in any household with more than one child, however this is usually over something as silly as toys and who’s better at cartwheels. However, The Other Boleyn Girl is the ultimate version of sister vs. sister rivalry.

The movie is, of course, about King Henry VIII, and I’m sure we are all fully aware of the little rhyme of:
“Divorced, beheaded, died.
Divorced, beheaded, survived.”

Oh yeah, Benedict Cumberbatch and
Jim Sturgess are in this too.
Obviously having fun.

Now, clearly this is a story about Anne Boleyn but...there is another Boleyn girl. In this story Anne Boleyn has a younger sister, Mary, that is married off very early in the movie, while Anne is being encouraged to bed King Henry during a hunting trip the Boleyn family is hosting to distract him from his most recent loss of a stillborn son birthed by his first wife. Well...plans don’t go accordingly and Henry finds interest in well....not Anne.

Overall this movie is a big game of one guy, two sisters, and a fight for a thrown. I wouldn’t say it’s a family movie. However, because it’s not a family movie...there are some nice visuals, I must confess. But it’s also fun to watch the politics of this time come to light. Again, not everything was textbook true but there are some aspects that are realistic. I guess it can all be expressed in the quote of “What is treason? Whatever the king and his lawyers says it is.”

The Other Boleyn Girl is a fun watch. It’s an interesting take on the life and tragic end of Henry’s second wife. It also brings light to Anne Boleyn, who I found was a real person, with similarities to how she is portrayed in the film. But the story of how two sisters are in competition with each other for a man and how they intend to have the best of him. Yet it also portrays how both will come together, despite their differences, to protect each other. You just never really know who to trust.

Overall, The Other Boleyn Girl is a good watch, with great visuals, fun BS to watch and call out, and it’s always fun to see how much effort is put into a man that is just....a womanizer with a title of king. 7/10 for The Other Boleyn Girl from me.

Also...Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman...so.... :)