I was personally hoping to spend this Christmas Day writing about a good movie, even a great movie. I wouldn’t have minded the challenge of trying to come up with jokes and insignificant hatreds towards mundane details of a movie I actually enjoyed watching, but, because the box is a dick, I pulled Miss Conception, a British “comedy” that takes all the sweet, fun things about motherhood, spits on then and slaps on a giant advisory sticker that says “yes, anyone can breed” but forgets to add “but not everyone should.” The plus side here is that I had already set the bar really low for this movie and that’s exactly what I got.
It stars Heather Graham as Georgina who, after “breaking up” (kind of along the same lines that I’m calling this a “comedy”) with her boyfriend, discovers that she only has four days left to get pregnant before God does the world a favor and puts a stop to that dreadful possibility. With her now ex-boyfriend away filming a documentary with some bimbo who I could do with never seeing again, it’s up to Georgina and her friends Clem and British-comedy-required-gay-companion Justin to get her laid and pregnant without letting her potential fucks know what she’s up to all “in pregnito” style (sorry, I just wanted to use that term.
Her attempts lead her to putting an ad in the paper to rent her apartment that she has no intention of leaving (whatever), Bar Hopping (meaning go to one bar and hop around like an idiot until the studly one finds you), going to a funeral because it works so well for Will Ferrell (see Wedding Crashers), and finally asking British-comedy-required-gay-companion Justin to cream in a cup. For ridiculously overdone and/or non-creative reasons each of these plans falls through because of either the convenience of inconvenience or something gay, literally. Though not as bad as Love and Other Disasters, this movie really pulled the gay card a lot which makes me deeply concerned about the future of London as either everyone is gay or grossly unsuccessful at getting pregnant but I haven’t paid much attention to the country lately. I forget, is Graham Norton prime minister or was that just a skit?
I wasn’t a fan at all of the concept with this so I knew starting it, it was going to be a challenge, but even throughout, I just really struggled to get into it (see what I did there?). The story was a bore and the humor and wit was dryer than Heather Graham’s kooch (yeah, the sex jokes just keep on cummin’) to the point where no amount of creative juices would get this puppy flowing (ok, that one’s a bit more disgusting than expected). There was a point very early on in this film where I made the decision that the world really didn’t need another Georgina so the circumstances that led to failure with each attempt to get pregnant were little sighs of relief.
I think I picked this up because for some reason I was shopping for DVD’s drunk and thought that this was a romantic comedy. There was a romance that lasted about 5 seconds and the rest was “dumb slut can’t get laid” which, as someone who lived in Denver and has gone to raves a few times, knows is not really that difficult no matter how old you are. An easy solution to this problem would have simply been to hop a flight to America with a miniskirt and UGG boots and you would have been pregnant before you left the airport.
Of course, Georgina does find herself pregnant at the end of the movie (spoilers?) but it’s not really anything climactic (holding off from the sex joke here). For some reason, without any understanding of why, her ex-boyfriend rushes home and comes to the realization that he wants to have a baby now too and then the next day (I guess, whatever) Georgina’s getting a phone call saying she’s pregnant. It’s like Snow White all over again, you could have just put on a screen of text saying “And then Georgina has sex with her now again boyfriend and gets pregnant.” That would have been funnier but, like I said, this movie wasn’t actually funny at all. I’m not even giving points for effort here. 3 dustbusters out of 10 like its counterpart Love and Other Disasters. Disasters like Heather Graham getting pregnant.
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