Saturday, December 24, 2011

Episode 93.5 - Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind Review 5/10

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind - 1984 - Hayao Miyazaki

Hayao Miyazaki is the Japanese version of the sad, crying Indian on those old recycling commercials. His formula is pretty much the same with each movie with some sort of curse or disease wreaking havoc because humanity just refuses to take care of itself and some force has just decided that it’d be better if we just weren’t there. In the case of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, the planet has unleashed a deadly toxic jungle to cover the earth as well as giant bulldozer creatures to tear down our cities as a result of a war that happened a thousand years ago that Mother Nature just can’t seem to get over.

Despite the fact that there is such a huge threat to life as we know it, the remaining humans have split up into two warring factions and one tree-hugging community that, naturally, is where our story focuses because the Japanese people have it in their head that honor and dignity come from the gross ignorance of modernization. In this hippie, Spirit-of-the-Wind section of the world lives Princess Nausicaa, who all her life has had an unnatural connection with the forest and the raging animals that inhabit it, but for some reason everyone around her just stares like it’s the first time they’ve seen this instead of thinking “you know, this might actually help our current situation.” Part of modernizing is understanding how anomalies can help you grow and flourish even in impossible situations but yeah…god forbid the same spirit of the Earth that’s trying to kill you stops speaking to your soul because you try to understand it instead of pass it off as some supreme essence that’s punishing your unworthiness. Age of enlightenment, anyone? I just don’t respond well to these kinds of lazy, boring stories.

On top of gross ignorance of story comes the gross ignorance of setting, Nausicaa is a movie set in its own little world that it could do anything it wanted with so for some dumb reason Miyazaki just decided to go for the combo platter. As the battles raged on with the warring factions and the insects and the hippies of the Valley of the Wind, we are graced with weaponry from Hattori Hanzo-esque swords to World War I inspired guns and tanks to rocket propelled gunships to a giant Akira-like baby thing that fires lasers; all of which were used at the movie’s convenience or inconvenience.

There was nothing fun or exciting about this movie. Every moment and discovery just seemed like a slap in the face that “if we weren’t such polluting assholes, this would never be a problem,” all the while ignoring the fact that this really isn’t some representation of our Earth and therefore we shouldn’t be concerned. It’s like if I traveled to Antarctica and screamed to the penguins “don’t vote for Gingrich, because it’ll only make things worse” and they responded by flapping their wings and summoning a giant Akira-like baby thing that fires lasers, sure I’ll come back with some interesting details but if anyone asked “And why should we care” I can only stand there like an idiot without a sensible answer.

Anime is simply a medium to tell a story, but it must abide by the same rules as everyone else. The only feasible reason I can think of to call this movie a classic is because it dared to tackle (though poorly) a growing issue of pollution and did so as a foreign genre that was approaching its peak of popularity. I’m sorry, there are no bonus points just because it’s an anime or a Miyazaki film or went all eco-political, bottom line, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind just didn’t make any damn sense, was incredibly boring, uninspired, and non-magical, even though it started out as a white sheet of animation paper with the rules “do whatever you want” stuck to it and god forbid, don’t get me started on the Syfy-channel mimicked, over-synthesized, Doctor Fucking Who music the pew-pew’d over the soundtrack.

Incredibly saddened by this painfully disappointing experience, I give Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind a lackluster 5 dustbusters out of 10 and a recommendation that if you want to see Miyazaki take this concept and do it correctly, watch Princess Mononoke. This was just way the hell off.


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