To ponder why this movie was created is to ponder why God created diarrhea as well as the people with a fetish for it. I didn’t think, in the history of the BackLOG, that a movie could so quickly fall to becoming on pace for a 2 and then not even be able to deliver to that standard. The videos that I film for these pulls have higher expectations set for them, and I don’t even know what the fuck I’m going to talk about until I hit the damn record button; this shit was premeditated and there are no excuses (and not enough apologies) for it. To call this a bad film is like saying that 100 Girls won an Academy Award for Best Picture; this one didn’t even have the decency to show any boobs, but then again, I didn’t get an unrated version either…though I think this one is technically unrated. I’m not convinced that any member of the MPAA sat through this and lived long enough to give it a rating; they just threw an R on there and said “please never make movies again.”
Wedding Daze (/The Pleasure of Your Company/The Next Girl I See because not even IMDB wants to make a commitment to this fucking thing) is a story* about a loser named Anderson (Jason Biggs) who tries to propose to his girlfriend by dressing up like cupid in a fancy restaurant (thus setting an amazing tone for the rest of the movie), but on seeing that she’s captured the heart of Jason Biggs, his girlfriend’s heart decides to commit suicide thus giving her the happiest ending she could get and leaving Anderson all alone to ponder what part of sparkly red thong, wings and baby oil says “I’m probably not a keeper.” After 30 seconds of grieving, Anderson finds himself in a diner with his cliché expositional best friend who actually says “you really should go jump off a bridge and make the whole world a better place,” but this gets misinterpreted as “you should ask the next girl you’re mildly interested in to marry you because God wants to ruin Joe Senart’s Christmas Vacation.”
His target is the diner’s waitress Katie (Isla Fisher, who was apparently convinced that her career was on a downward spiral) who miraculously says yes to the engagement because if you’re stupid enough to sign on for this movie, you might as well go big with bad decisions. In an awkward series of incidents that argues that neither of these morons has ever actually talked to a member of the opposite sex, Katie and Anderson (sorry awesome friend of mine, Katie Andersen…I didn’t pick the names) go through the normal challenges of an engaged couple which all include meeting each other’s socially unacceptable friends and family while trying to establish the kind of chemistry that is only worthy of getting you sent to the principal’s office and sent home with a note saying “if your kid stays on this path, he’s going to grow up masturbating with apple pies.”
The thing that really blows my mind here is there were moments in this movie that were sweet enough that I actually thought this concept could work. But, like a cute kitten video where the kitten explodes at the end in a flaming ball of shit and fur, Wedding Daze throws in some horrible sex joke or sight gag to ruin the mood. Apparently this was written by horny middle schoolers who think that everything awkward is comedy gold which might also explain the inconsistencies and general production mistakes like changing underwear between scenes (which happened multiple times and no, I didn’t WANT to pay attention) or having someone speak without their mouth moving. I was expecting lazy, but Wedding Daze completely redefines that term and acts as if the bar for modern filmmaking was set somewhere below the floor.
If I wanted to share with you the number of problems I had with this, I would write a review longer than the movie itself and frankly, this doesn’t deserve the time of day or even the room on my shelf. Putting this back in my collection would be like willingly choosing to keep the AIDS virus in someone’s blood stream; I fear it would virally infect my other movies and make them worse because their DVD case touched this one and I don’t know just how powerful the evil is that emanates from this fucking box, I just know that it needs to get dealt with the only way I know how.
So, in a move I didn’t think I would have to make again, I give Wedding Daze the prestigious 1 microwave out of 1, and because it was so fucking bad, I refuse to own any other Jason Biggs movies period so joining it will be the Dane Cook/Jason Biggs clusterfuck of My Best Friend’s Girl. Truly the best part about this movie will be watching it fry.
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