Friday, November 18, 2011

Episode 53.5 - The Bachelor Review 8/10

The Bachelor - 1999 - Gary Sinyor

The human condition is a fickle fucking thing. Funny, the nuances between what guys enjoy and what women enjoy, and when I get two wedding movies in three days on both sides of the spectrum it makes me stop and think “well son of a bitch, I’m part of the god damn cliché.” Two days ago I got Monster-In-Law, which was a female wedding comedy focusing around female characters and, naturally, the slapstick humor was all about making sure that the enemies suffered from mild inconveniences and were forced to make an extra hair appointment or two. Last night, I pulled The Bachelor, a female wedding comedy focusing around male characters where the humor was created based off the assumption that men just don’t understand this whole love thing AND whole wedding thing.

Kind of made me realize that there’s a bit of a trend there…and also that I’m very much a guy, because I really enjoyed this movie because I related…somewhat to the banter of a bunch of grown men trying to make sense of why something that seems so basic as a proposal can mean so much as to get a woman to walk away from you. There’s no owner’s manual to the female psyche because if a woman wrote it, no guy would read it. If a guy wrote it, no woman would validate its accuracy and if a man and a woman wrote it together, we would all agree they would probably be dead before the thing ever got published.

So here’s the story of Jimmie (Chris O’Donnell), who, after being with the woman of his dreams despite living in comfort of always keeping his options open, has finally decided to tie the knot, but he can’t get a handle of the proposal and botches it in a way that even guys can admit probably should cause some hostility. Watching her walk away, he is all of a sudden confronted with an interesting challenge by his newly deceased grandfather all Brewster’s Millions style: get married by his 30th birthday (27 hours away) and inherit all of his grandfather’s assets in the total of $100 million or it all gets sold for cash and donated away.

Now, you know me by now and my general hatred towards gimmick films if they are done wrong. Like P.S. I Love You is a gimmick film that is done WRONG. My Best Friend’s Girl is done WRONG. Fever Pitch is done…RIGHT. It’s smart; it doesn’t rely on only the awkward situation to designate every other emotion in the film. The Bachelor, in my opinion, did well with this as it wasn’t as simple as greed, but this deal had the potential to cost people their jobs, their families, their futures. There was so much more riding on this than money, but to simply fall back on that to make the proposal work would have discredited the love that was truly behind it and Jimmie knew this whole way (though I’m not convinced that the rest of the movie did). This created a fun situation that made the desperate (and sometimes really funny) attempts to just move on and get married for the fuck of it (irony?) actually make a bit of sense instead of be thrown in for easy laughs.

Again, this is a chick flick around male characters, so the intelligence of the penis population is shriveled up and tends to limp around like a chicken with its head cut off and there is nothing appealing about that except it shows that women’s sick fascination with masculinity is just as immense as their fascination with emasculation. Take a guess what this film focuses on? But, ya know what? I’ll give credit where credit is due, because it’s been my experience that the more guys are in the room talking about “the way it should be,” the dumber the shit that comes out of our mouths and it turns into crap like this.

Yeah, the movie wasn’t really a masterpiece of character analysis and romance, but it was damn funny and had a great balance of stupidity and just downright intelligent design and for that, I really enjoyed watching it, and would gladly watch it again. All things considered, I hand The Bachelor a controversial 8 dustbusters out of 10.


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